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Community Corner

The All Too Common Truth of Sexual Abuse Victims

It may take until adulthood for victims to gain the awareness that abuse was not their fault.

 

As if the scandal hasn’t caused enough drama in college athletics, three more victims have come forward with accusations of alleged sexual abuse against Syracuse assistant basketball coast Bernie Fine. 

“These are not isolated incidents,” said Suzanne Beck, executive director of Crime Victims Council of the Lehigh Valley, “for every Joe Paterno who didn’t follow up there are thousands of people who know or have suspicions of abuse.”

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In both instances, there was a common thread of administrative denial in the face of multiple victims coming forward, but, unlike PSU or Paterno, head coach Jim Boeheim has made apologies for defending his former assistant coach.

"I shouldn't have questioned what the accusers expressed or their motives. I am really sorry that I did that, and I regret any harm that I caused," said Boeheim in his post game press conference on December 2.

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According to Beck, questioning victim’s motives is “extremely common” in abuse cases because it is hard to believe or acknowledge even for the parents of victims, a reason so many victims refrain from making allegations sometimes well into their adulthood.

The number one reason children don’t is because they believe or have been told that no one will believe them. Many believe it was somehow their fault.

“People assume that children are small adults. They don’t have the same thought processes,” said Beck. “They are taught to trust and listen to adults.”

The sense of trust that develops in a child who has been sexually abused by any adult in a position of authority becomes warped by the relationship their abuser has convinced them is appropriate. to perpetrators that hide in positions where they have access to children. 

“Perpetrators depend on a child’s trust and reliance,” said Beck.

Beck recommends to all parents that they enact diligence in examining the relationships between their children and the volunteers that might take a “special” liking or whose interactions are suspicious. The grooming process starts off benignly but, over time, the attention, the special favors and the gifts can erode a parent’s better judgment.

“Trust your gut,” said Beck.

Remember, while coaching and volunteering with children often require background checks, these checks only indicate whether or not a perpetrator has been caught. They do not prevent perpetrators from gaining access through volunteerism.

If you child does come to you with an allegation, it is important to be supportive and remain calm.  “Say I believe you, this wasn’t your fault” said Beck, “then make a report to ChildLine.”  Listen with your full attention.

To be proactive, parents should teach their children about “safe space” and appropriate boundaries in their interactions with adults to help them identify and report when they feel that an adult inappropriately touched them or has attempted to coerce inappropriate participation in sexually explicit acts.

The CVCLV assists victims with individual counseling and support groups among other services for victims including a 24-hour hotline, 610-437-6611, whether the victim is a child or an adult whose memories are surfacing for the first time in adulthood. 

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